The seller of this Wicker Park 3 flat assured buyers that they would not be harmed in the making of his tenants 'little movie thing'. The seller, or "that cheap bastard in the basement" as he's referred to by his upstairs neighbors, has been renting to the artist community since the Great Wicker Park Artist Migration of the late 1980's. As buildings were gut renovated or torn down, that cheap bastard in the basement decided he'd rather keep his home and his loyal tenants than update his building. Considered one of the last great hold-outs of the 'old' Wicker Park, the seller told buyers he could have made a 'mint' years ago when values skyrocketed but was committed to the neighborhood until property taxes became unsustainable. "Why are these clowns at the county saying my building is worth a million dollars. I didn't pay anything near that for this place and shouldn't have to pay a tax based on that. Plus, they closed the Double Door. That was it."
TAGS 3 flat, agent, artists, Beer Baron Row, Busy Bee, buyers, Double Door, Great Migration, grunge, Logan Square sucks, Lounge Ax, Milwaukee Avenue, realtor, seller, tenant, the Crotch, victorian, Wicker Park, Wesley Willis
Schmucks have been maligned throughout their unfortunate history. What is seldom discussed is that some schmucks make a really good cabinet, the kind that makes one resent purchasing trendy IKEA cabinets which were likely built to service the greater schmuck population.
At an open house for this Andersonville home, buyers seemed unimpressed by the knock-off mid-century furnishings or over-done crown moulding, but they were positively giddy with excitement when they gazed upon the beauty of a genuine hard wood Schmuck cabinet. Many realtors will tell you that great kitchens sell a home. But what they don't often mention, is that a great schmuck can sell it as well.
TAGS agent, Amish, Andersonville, buyers, cabinets, chicago, crown moulding, hard to sell, home, IKEA, kitchen, lincoln square, mid-century, putz, realtor, renovation, redrum, rumspringa, schmuck, sell, Trump
A Logan Square homeowner frustrated that nobody would buy her home has decided 'For Sale' signs are a complete waste in a buying culture that relies solely on online access. In an effort to attract buyers to acknowledge the existence of her lovely vintageyet modern home, she has turned to large handmade boards expressing puzzling non-sequitur phrases. Similar to Open Houses, people are now stopping there, but they still aren't buying, and seem quite upset that nobody is providing them with cookies.
TAGS affordable, buyers, chicago, For Sale signs, hard to sell, hell, homemade, homeowner, ice, Immigration, iron fence, logan square, market, modern, northside, open houses, overheated, vintage, worker's cottage, millennial milquetoasts
It has become common knowledge, at least among Chicago home shoppers, that attics make ideal places for teenagers to experiment with mind alternating substances, fathers to yearn for their ancestral caves, wives to store the decomposing corpses of their missing in-laws, and poltergeists to roam free. But what is seldom discussed in real estate, or housing as it is known to some, is that attics make really kick-a$$ spaces to bring some light into an otherwise dark room, provide additional headroom, and simply offer a place for the phantasms to nest in the forgotten vegetation of the unreachable ceiling.
TAGS agents, attics, bathroom remodel, buyers, chicago, custom bathroom, drugs, flowers, Goonies, home shoppers, housing, in-laws, logan square, plant shelves, poltergeist, real estate, realtor, skylight, Rosemary's baby, Reclaimed
Chicago's neighboring borough to the north has long been described as colorful, an accepting place where Benetton was not merely an ad, but rather a way of living. It's a city-state-township that showcases it's Purple Lines in equal proportion to it's Black Matters. In a continued effort to demonstrate it's prowess at reaching beyond ROY G BIV, Evanston is now welcoming the Browns. And as in many things Evanstonian, this color must abide by a stringent set of rules or risk dismissal from the NIMBY Kingdom.
Evanston (where else)
TAGS agent, Black Lives Matter, buyers, Evanston, good schools, Immigration, Latin America, Nimby, Northwestern, refugees, Strange People, street signs, white, yard signs, city rejects, Border Wars, color blind
Open Houses are not much different than politics - they make the seller think there is a lot of interest in their home, and hence their 'representative' is doing a great job, when in fact they are a conduit to allow a multitude of unrepresented buyers an introduction to their potential new representative, the 'hard working' open house host. But when the freshman house rep chooses the emblem of southern invaders to lure his unsuspecting constituents, he probably forgot that the far northwest side of Chicago is a stronghold of the MAGA RED. Several protesters were seen lurking around following the demonstration, hoping for an opportunity to get a little Nacho Cheese Doritos Locos Taco Supreme. One protestor, barely able to speak as a volcano of cheesy substance splooged from his mouth, mumbled, "what...doritos belong to us!"
TAGS agent, avondale, buyers, chicago, Doritos, food truck, grifter, immigrants, MAGA, northwest side, open house, protest, real estate signs, realtor, sanctuary city, sellers, splooge, Taco Bell, the machine, Trump
Selling a home over the holidays, once known as Christmas and New Years, is usually considered a sign of desperation, much like going to a bar alone on Christmas morning. Sellers in Chicago, as in much of the country, will take their homes off the market for roughly 6-8 weeks to not give the impression that they are indeed that same individual who stumbled into the bar Christmas morning. For the brave few who decide to expose their desperation to the city's rabid home buying population, limits are considered a must, and realtors are requested to find tactful ways of displaying their clients' wishes.
TAGS bathroom, Beelzebub, chicago, Christmas, clients, cocaine, desperate, elves, Hanukkah, Holidays, home buyers, Horner Park, housing crash, Irving Park, Kwanzaa, new construction, Reagan, realtor, sellers, cream
Buyers were not interested in the Jewel cookies or poorly staged bedrooms of this Rogers Park historic bungalow, but they all agreed on thing - that 'art thing' over the living room windows was 'really f*&king cool'. When told by the listing agent that the really f*&king cool art thing was not included in the sale, potential buyers were outraged, stating it was the 'only thing in the house of any value'. The realtor apologized profusely, then offered extra cookies to anybody willing to write an offer right there and then. One rather large gentleman wrote an offer, took his free box of cookies, and left. Upon reviewing the offer, the listing agent muttered a bit too loudly, "I f*&king hate open houses."
TAGS art, bungalow, buyers, chicago, edgewater, estate sale, fresco, gluttony, Jewel cookies, listing agent, northside, offer, open house, realtor, rogers park, sale, stolen, vintage, historic
A Bowmanville homeowner dismayed at the high prices people are paying for homes in his neighborhood decided to offend loyalists of America's largest two political parties mistakenly assuming said leaders and their adherents were the cause for the removal of affordable housing stock in this newly desirable enclave hidden between Lincoln Square and Andersonville. It was later revealed that the true reason the sourpuss could not simply stick upside down witches' legs in his yard like everybody else was due to the fact that no buyer would pay him the Redfin estimate for his home.
TAGS affordable housing, andersonville, bowmanville, buyers, captain realty, chicago, halloween, lincoln square, north side, offensive, political signs, realtor, Redfin, rising prices, Trump Clinton intercourse, zombies, parkways
The potential buyers of this classic pre-war Rogers Park home were so offended by the implication that they should 'get in bed' at an Open House that they finally enacted their destiny by taking their home search to lovely suburban Naperville, where the schools are better, the communities employ darling aspirational names, and neighbors simply request you place your keys in a bowl when coming to their 'special' nighttime parties, highlighting the social etiquette so desperately needed in Chicago.
TAGS bungalow, communities, daybed, deco, etiquette, home, lakefront, Naperville, northside, open house, polyamorous, potential buyers, pre-war, realtor, rogers park, schools, subdivisions, swingers, vintage