 A rigorous Montessori program has allowed a local Humboldt Park toddler to build an elevated toilet so that her father could rest like a king when he tells her, "Daddy's busy now, go ask your mother". The same coveted preschool program is introducing an entire curriculum based around the crafting of space 'to honor those who love you.' It was stressed during class that the 'potty palace' could be for either parent much as the re-purposed Swedish massage room featuring exchange teacher/au pair Magnus on select evenings. After the construction of the second project, this featured home is now for sale.
Humboldt Park TAGS agent, au pair, bucktown, buyers, chicago, diy, exchange student, extramarital, for sale, humboldt park, logan square, montessori, preschool, realtor, repurpose, Scandinavian design, toddler, Wicker Park, throne  A buyer deemed the 'least interesting man in the world' by his husband, 4 year old son, and aging cockapoo was so offended by the bedroom in this Mayfair bungalow that he insisted on leaving the showing immediately. Reached for comment, the least interesting man said, "What type of person keeps their Cheez-its in their bedroom next to a bunch of Elvis heads and a cardboard cut-out of their grandfather. That tells me this house is too 20th century for me." The least interesting man's family asked to remain anonymous.
Mayfair TAGS agent, beards, beer swag, bungalow, buyers, cheez-its, chicago, cockapoo, Dos Equis, elvis, husbands, mayfair, northside, portage park, realtor, tchotchkes, two flats, XXX, NAFTA  Logan Square continues to showcase why it's the hippest neighborhood in Chicago with gut renovations featuring side by side commodes where research has shown that couples/roommates/dinner guests are most likely to forge deep connections with others. With an increased interest in open marriages and advanced age triplicates, some Logan developers have even been discussing the addition of a third loo.
Logan Square Real estate agents have finally begun to understand their true value lies in successfully choosing the correct fonts - a specialized skill that requires the delicate navigation of thousands of letter types, only one of which will yield the necessary offer. For an upgrade fee, select Chicago realtors will highlight items a novice buyer might have otherwise missed. However, hand selected fonts will entail an additional charge.
Hyde Park TAGS alternative facts, buyer, chicago, comic sans, fonts, home, hyde park, Kenwood, outsource, real estate signs, realtor, seller, south side, toilet, virtual agents, next stop India  As the westward march of Chicago house flips, remodels and tear-downs continues, some residents are refusing to let go of their beloved homes. At this aging Portage Park bungalow, a platoon of Christmas warriors is currently holed up in a secluded crawlspace hoping to reappear on their beloved green carpet next December, likely overshadowed by an enormous second floor addition that even the president would think was garish, or more likely, "yuuuge, yes, but not good yuuuge".
Portage Park TAGS architect, bubble, buyer, chicago, Chistmas, crawlspace, flips, garish, gentrification, hiding, lawn decoration, nazis, portage park, realtor, rehab, renovation, second floor addition, tear-down, yuuge dormer  The seller of this Irving Park two flat was instructed to host a sacrificial ceremony in his property's basement to exorcise the demons that were preventing his home from selling in 2016. After quickly locating resident rodents to preside as higher power gifts, it was revealed that 2017 & the impending Trump presidency will be a boon for sellers of overpriced & dismally maintained properties, who assure buyers that their property is huge, just amazing, terrific and a tremendous value. Those other homes are weak losers. Weak.
Irving Park TAGS 2016, 2017, agent, basement, buyers, chicago, clothesline, exorcism, home, huge, Irving Park, New Year, northside, Ravensood Manor, ritual, rodents, sacrifice, sellers, Trump, two flat, WEAK  In an effort to undermine their elderly landlord's attempt to sell his only worthwhile asset, and hopefully preserve their very below market rent, the tenants of this renovated Lakeview 6 flat posted a distinct warning to give prospective buyers doubts on their potential purchase. As of press time, there is still no confirmation that the tenants were subsidizing the homeless gentleman that was sleeping on their front stoop.
Lakeview TAGS 2 flat, 6 flat, agent, asset, below market rent, exterminator, homeless, lakeview, landlord, lincoln square, prospective buyers, purchase, rats, realtor, sell, stoop, tenants, Trump sucks, warning signs, vermin  A Bridgeport home seller with limited funds was desperately looking to modernize his aging two flat when he came across a new local start-up, Frumpy Trumpers, who convincingly assured prospective clients that they would make their home attractive to the right kind of buyer.
Bridgeport TAGS 2016 vote, agent, attractive, buyer, charlatan, chicago, Clinton, Donald, frumpy, Hillary, Lesbian Weiners, paneling, popular vote, segregation, seller, staging, Trump, white power, Idiocracy  The seller of this Jefferson Park bungalow apparently misunderstood his wife when she asked him to install a bath fan to satisfy a buyer's home inspection report. When confronted by his spouse about what kind of idiot was he, the bathroom fan installer responded, "You ask bath fan. I put bath fan. Now smell very much hallway. I no understand the women."
Jefferson Park TAGS agent, bath fan, buyer, chicago, diy, exhaust fan, home inspection report, jefferson park, mars and venus, one of a kind bathroom, portage park, real estate, seller, six corners, spousal idiots, TESL  Lincoln Park is known in Chicago for it's well preserved and not inexpensive buildings consistently drawing the highest square foot home pricing in the city. However, if one looks closely between the multi-million dollar renovations and urban mansions, the sight of slightly decaying hundred year old frame buildings cast an odd wrinkle to the neighboring wealth. And much to a Lincoln Parker's dismay, the old miserly landlord won't sell. And his tenants prefer Bud Light to bathing much to the consternation of nouveau Logan Square residents who, despite their boastful pride of not being 'from' Lincoln Park, only differ in their eagerness to spend a disproportionate amount of their lower incomes on micro-brewed beers, who themselves, are hoping Bud Light will finally decide to buy them out so they can retire to Lincoln Park.
Lincoln Park TAGS agent, bathtub full of cheap beer boxes, beer, inexpensive, landlord, lincoln park, logan square, micro-brewery, miser, mop, preserved, realtor, renovations, snob, square foot, tenants, urban mansion, Bud Light Bros |
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