Who loves a free market? or why you shouldn't list off market

The free market has helped price many buyers out of neighborhoods. It laid the foundation for escalating property taxes that forced homeowners to prematurely sell. And those rents that never seem to come down regardless of how bad the economy is doing – that damn free market!  

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Economists have been seen by the general public as oracles since the advent of free markets. We don't need a god to ensure our corn harvest, or one to protect our children from the wrath of flamin' hot cheetos. But we do worship at the shrine of the latest economic forecast promising an accuracy slightly better than landing on Tails.

Most students of an economic class look back on their learning with a complete blank outside that smart gawky kid with glasses they would sit behind (diagonally, of course) during exams. But ask again, and they are likely to remember something. One thing actually – Supply & Demand.

It is time to sell mom's home that was never really your home. But the property taxes don't stop and none of your siblings want to rehab it. A realtor tells you he knows a developer that will pay $300,000 cash, and close in two weeks. You don't have to do anything. Nothing! All that junk you don't have time to clean out – the buyer will take care of it. The seepage in the basement – No problem! The mysterious tilt on the west side of the home – buyer doesn't care. As-Is. No inspection, no showings, no hassle.

This makes a lot of sense. Not only is it easy, but it was more than you thought you might get, and the realtor, a genuine god-fearing in the flesh realtor, is telling you to take it!

Then that one sibling nobody liked, the snotty one that moved somewhere in Oregon, dares to ask, “What if somebody else will pay more?”

The essence of a market is something is worth whatever an interested person is willing to pay. And if only one person shows interest, then the price is set, or the seller doesn't sell.

But what happens if you were to allow the other hundreds, perhaps even thousands (in a city like Chicago) of prospective home buyers to know that your home was available. The internet's instantaneous and unending reach ensures anybody who has any interest in moving to your neighborhood, or getting involved in a renovation project, will immediately find out, and try to see the home

Serious home buyers aren't open house pervs, but people who desperately want to get on with the next phase of their life, and this sometimes means paying a premium to end the home search torture, or perhaps padding their offer so the potential of their dream home isn't scooped up by that chump you keep running into at other showings.

To undergo the home buying process is to drift in and out of the realm of rational thinking. Yes, this is your budget, and this is what other similar homes have sold for, and these are the only blocks you want to live on. But the science of good planning is no match for the emotional tug that a never before seen handcrafted Mexican concrete backsplash tile holds over a first time visitor, or the promise the bigger-than-the-online-photo attic holds for that dream master bedroom (that will probably never get built), or simply the way a space feels, something no amount of screened information will provide. Or the fact that you simply can't afford your ideal home on your ideal block, and this place is so much cheaper, you don't mind bumping that offer price.

Maybe it's a buyer's market. The one remembered thing from Econ 101 says if there are a lot of homes for sale, and not a lot of people buying, perhaps due to the Trumpacalypse that helped swell the population of Canada. Taking that pre-listing off-market offer might not be such a bad idea.

But even in the scorched earth of a Trumpian America, Deplorables need a home. And their Dear Leader knows a good deal. If the prospective seller doesn't want to take your deal right there and then – screw 'em! Move on to the next person. But is that really how it works?

Even Deplorables in the best Buyers market ever – EVER, are human. They have needs. After all, at some point, they must make more Deplorables to prevent the Caravan Socialists from out-breeding them. And as fast as one Deplorable will take the deal off the table when the clock strikes 12, a larger group of gold-plated vultures will show similar interest in the property when it becomes known to them. And if there is one thing that makes a Deplorable great, it's that they don't like to lose. EVER. Looks like Deplorable Demand is just as predictable as Rational Demand.

How about the cash offer? It's cash. Cash goddamnit! Dear Leader says Cash is King. Did you know that a Homeless Atheist that is putting no money down, but who has a preapproval from a legitimate bank will also be paying the same Franklins at closing? It will take an entire two, maybe three whole weeks longer. Darn, is that really worth it for losing an extra $25k?

It doesn't matter how a property is financed, provided that financing is legitimate, and not a promissory note from a forgotten Nigerian uncle. At closing, it all turns into cash.

Don't be a fucking idiot – never sell your home off the free market.